1. nofaddano:

    guy: psstt! look at me while you suck. i wanna see those eyes
    girl: *looks up*
    guy: image

    (via cuntradicts)

     

  2. ofbard:

    the box says “four servings” but my heart says one

    (Source: wadewilsn, via jessikah-d93)

     

  3. one-after-nineonine:

    i did a push up why am i still fat

    (via amour-pleure)

     
  4. (Source: kimmismiles, via amour-pleure)

     

  5. rnicrophone:

    bombing:

    cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

    me: you said i got one phone call

    image

    (via mathsdebater)

     
  6. putachild:

    reoffend:

    My bath bomb decided to turn my bath into a Van Gough painting

    How you do that

    (via mathsdebater)

     

  7. inbox:

    please don’t talk to me unless you have the intention of buying me food

    (via jessikah-d93)

     

  8. canadianslut:

    *listens to an acoustic performance*

    ohhh so that’s what they’re saying

    (via cuntentment)

     
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  11. whoredinarygirl:

    the best things in life have the most calories

    (Source: whoredinarygirl, via plasticpe0ple)

     

  12. alabasterbones:

    i envy people that come up with witty comebacks on the spot because i’m gonna need at least a 3 day notice 

    (via plasticpe0ple)

     
  13.  
  14. neptunain:

    how to communicate in a relationship

    (via nokturnal)

     

  15. bravedad:

    i wonder how many people i’m in the “i’d be down if you asked” zone with

    (via cuntradicts)